Beautiful Holiday Surprises
But if you try sometimes,
You just might find,
You get what you need.
--The Rolling Stones
Have you ever felt deep in your heart that you need to make a change, or simplify something in your life that will boost your emotional and mental health? But the fear of upsetting the proverbial apple cart (other people) is too much to face?
What about during holidays - commonly viewed as one of the most emotionally stressful times of the year?
It’s a season when some of us can get caught up in “other-ness”. As mothers, daughters, bosses, partners, friends, and neighbors, we can so easily believe that it is our responsibility to create everyone else’s happiness.
This emotional confusion builds like a nightmare pressure cooker until it is no longer ‘the most wonderful time of the year.’
There are times though, when what I call a beautiful surprise happens and shows me how it can be different, despite my fears of change and disappointing others.
Take for example, the last holiday season in 2020.
It was the first time my little tripod family (Me, John & Tate) would not be with cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles for both winter holidays. And... I got Covid the week before Christmas. Thankfully, it was a mild case and John & Tate didn’t catch it. But it added to the emotional rollercoaster I was already on.
Even before I caught Covid, my mind was future tripping like crazy:
“This holiday is going to suck”
“How can this even feel like a holiday?--everything is different”
“What are we going to do with all of this downtime?”
My brain pinballed between worry, frustration, sadness, self-pity, and the big one: HOW CAN I FIX THIS?
The irony of those negative emotional gymnastics is that I forgot about all of the past holiday seasons when I wanted less stress, and more peace.
Like me, you have probably spent a few wishes on things like…
Taking time during the holidays to catch up on sleep or read a book or watch a movie?
Feeling less pressure about making everything special and hoping everyone will be happy?
Taking a few things off the traditions list that you wouldn’t miss?
Coming out of the holiday season feeling energized rather than depleted?
Guess what? Sometimes....you get what you need.
I will never be grateful for the pandemic - it has brought pain, hardship, and loss to more people than I will ever know. The story of a human life is full of darkness and light. And in the relative darkness of the 2020 holiday season, I found a beautiful surprise.
I was given the chance to feel the emotional, spiritual and physical benefits of simplifying the holidays without any of the guilt, shame and distress that comes with people pleasing and overdoing.
I was given a chance to feel into and practice doing something different. I would usually feel so uncomfortable at the thought of disappointing others that I would not have the courage to make the change.
Let's face it… Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah - no matter what your beliefs, culture or traditions - can be stuffed with historical, ancestral and social expectations; from others and ourselves.
It’s hard to break tradition even if it would benefit our health, wealth, and wellbeing. Not to mention, the relationships with the ones we most love.
What will they think if I don’t (exchange gifts, make a turkey, decorate, send cards) this year?
Will my kid(s) be disappointed if we don’t make the house look like Santaland?
Will I be able to handle my own feelings if I don’t say yes?
Last year gave me a taste of some of that freedom.
But what happens when we don't get the ‘gift’ of a worldwide pandemic?
Is it even possible to make the changes we know will benefit our emotional wellbeing without the whole world on pause - like it was in 2020?
It is possible---if you know HOW.
This is what guided me through:
Honest. Open. Willing.
Honest with yourself about what you absolutely want to do. What feels fun? What is something new you’ve been wanting to do? What have you outgrown or has weighed you down in the past? And what do you dread doing for another year? Build 20 minutes each day to get quiet and listen to your body as you go down your list. Does your stomach or chest tighten or do your shoulders relax and your jaw loosen?
Open to finding the gray. Sometimes it seems like the answer is to swing to the opposite side--Grinch-style “there will be NO presents!”- by wiping everything off the list. But you may cause more anxiety and stress for yourself by changing everything at once rather than starting out with a few heart centered shifts to your traditions list.
Here’s one of mine: Instead of coming up with some grand fitness plan or food plan (which for me, rarely lasts past the first week), or saying, “screw it, I’m going to eat, drink, and be as merry as I want this holiday”... I am committing to walk 3 times each week. And I asked a friend to be my accountability partner. We text each other when we are done. There’s my gray. Something is better than nothing. And I will let that be enough.
Willing to let go of your expectations. Not just the Hallmark ones, but also the negative, scary thoughts that you will be judged and rejected if you honor yourself. The truth is… most everyone is dealing with similar self expectations. There's really not enough time for the self-criticism that comes so naturally to us. Are you willing to listen to your heart rather than the fear in your head?
This is what my HOW is going to look this year:
I’m going to take my social media apps off my phone for the holiday. I can still access them, but I’ll have to go onto the computer. It won't be as easy for me to get into ‘comparisonitis’.
I will schedule three things between now and new years that will really make me happy this season.
I’ll get clear on my WHY (am I choosing this)-- because I don't want to disappoint or because it's fun and part of my creative outlet? Or is this a season of my life where simple feels better- so I can clean out my holiday closet and give some stuff away?
And then find my gray.
Drop me a DM or comment below to share what wins your shooting for this holiday season.
We can do this.
I’m rooting for you!!!!