Spring Cleaning (from the inside out)
How we do one thing is how we do most things is a quote at which I used to roll my eyes.
As I’ve studied, practiced, and taught deeper levels of self-care, I now wholeheartedly believe this quote about human behavior to be true. And it’s not because we are lazy or unorganized or dumb.
It’s because we have a brain that views change as a threat. No matter how small or positive that change may be. Even if that change is to help us become healthier, happier, and wiser.
Or more organized.
Have you ever watched yourself do something that bothers you about yourself? But you do it anyway?
I had one of those out-of-body-watching-myself moments recently.
I moved a pile of ‘stuff’ (mail, papers, cards, school notices) from the counter in the kitchen to the 3rd step on the stairs that lead to the upper floor of our house. It had been sitting on the counter for a week or so and I felt somewhat accomplished by moving it to the stairs.
A few minutes later, as I made my way up the stairs, I grabbed the pile feeling proud that I was moving it twice in one day and not letting it sit on the stairs for another week.
I walked into my office and plopped the handful of papers down on top of another pile of papers.
And there it sits. Weeks later. A pile of miscellaneous paper items that keeps growing higher like something out of a Shel Silverstein poem. And it bothers me more and more lately.
But how we do one thing is how we do most things can also work for us too.
Recently, a client of mine shared a before and after picture of her kitchen pantry and closet.
She had this strong pull to clean out her drawers, cupboards and closets; to let go of things that she no longer used or needed. It came at a time when she was also re-organizing and decluttering her health habits. Her goal was to shed some weight she had been holding onto, as well as feel lighter and ‘cleaner’.
Her after photo could've been used for a Marie Kondo book promotion. All of the pots and pans and containers were lined up and organized by size and shape. Her closets now had more space and room for her clothes to hang.
The photos mirrored the lightness that was entering her life in more ways than just her home spaces. She was also giving her brain space, and as she released some of the weight her body was holding, her whole being became lighter.
I felt so happy for her.
So why is it so hard (for me) to go through a small pile of papers and put them away?
Sometimes, my brain believes there are too many decisions to make at once, and it follows the easiest route: make another pile.
It’s a habit of postponement. Or procrastination. Procrastination is a short-term solution to my overwhelm.
And because I also judge myself over a pile of papers not being sorted, filed and discarded, shame and self criticism jump on board for the ride too. Which is not a successful motivator for change.
That’s why so many fast weight loss plans are not sustainable. Our brains are not given a chance to adjust and trust the shifts we are making. So it will start resisting the change with self criticism and doubt.
It’s because any change, even if it's for our good, is viewed as threatening to our ego brain.
It will ‘protect’ us by using any thoughts that will convince us to not try something different; even if it's healthy and will make our lives better. And shame and self criticism are a fast way to shut that beautiful change down.
Decluttering helps our brains. Research shows that disorganization and clutter have a cumulative effect on our brains. It drains our brain. And reduces our ability to focus which then reduces the ability to reach our goals.
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I’m really tired of my paper piles. They represent a habit that no longer works for me and the way I want to live inside and out.
And…where else in my life am I ‘making more piles?’; procrastinating and postponing?
So I am asking for help from people who know how to manage their paper piles and their thoughts around them. And I am determined to start being kinder to myself about it. It seems counterintuitive. But the other way has not produced the results I want.
What I really want is the freedom from procrastination and overwhelm. And if learning how to shed my habit of making paper piles all over the house, then this is where I will start.